The holiday season often brings families together, which can be joyful but also stressful, especially if you have to field prying questions from well-meaning but nosy relatives. As a therapist, I’m often asked how to handle personal or insensitive inquiries that pop up over Thanksgiving dinner.

Here are some of my tips:

Set boundaries ahead of time.

Before the meal, think about what topics are off-limits for you and come up with ways to politely deflect or change the subject if they come up. You can say something like “I’d rather not discuss that now, but did you catch the game yesterday?”

Have a signal system.

Discuss with your partner or trusted family member a discrete signal like tapping your glass or nudging your foot if you feel put on the spot and need help redirecting the conversation.

Keep answers vague if pressed.

If gently deflecting doesn’t work, you can say something like “I’m still figuring that out” or “It’s a bit complicated” to avoid sharing more than you want to.

Focus on listening.

Ask family members questions about themselves – people often like talking about their own lives and may forget probing you.

Excuse yourself if needed.

If you feel overwhelmed, politely excuse yourself for some air or a break. You can always rejoin when you feel composed.

Have some self-care handy.

Bring along a stress ball in your pocket or listen to calming music on your headphones if you need a quick coping break.

Lean on your support system.

Turn to your spouse, siblings, cousins or friends at the gathering who “get” you if you need a sympathetic ear or distraction during tense moments.

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